Thursday, September 07, 2006

Yid and Id round three

Yid and Id round two

Yid and Id round one

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Sad but true

Hashem says to the Jewish people “open up for me the space of a needle whole…” meaning that ones love for Hashem should become revealed. Even though by nature ones soul loves Hashem, that is the way it is above, but here in this world ones love can be interrupted because of ones animal soul. Now this love is found in every Jew with out exception as history has shown. The Jewish people rather be persecuted(may Hashem protect us) rather then renounce their faith in Hashem and His commandments. This is because of the natural love of Hashem that can be found in every man woman and child of the Jewish people. None the less this love remains hidden, and it most be revealed.

It is known that the entire soul does not come down to this world, rather only a lonely ray unclothes itself in the body and the animal soul, and the body covers over and conceals this ray. Because of this concealment the world seams as if it exists and is separate from its source, Hashem. For the main thing that the animal soul does is it makes one view the world as some thing of importance and draws one towards it. It makes one walk in darkness, for the animal soul is rooted in things that are physical and coarse and makes one think that what is bitter is really sweet. This causes one to become separated from ones source and creator, Hashem. This is why one most make space as big as a needle hole… to let Hashem in, to reveal ones love.

(from the previous Lubavitcher Rebbe’s Maamorim 5686 )

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

in the beginning

In the beginning there was… there was me. Well not in the literal sense. you see its been twenty two years since I’ve been trapped in a body and an animal soul. I’ve accumulated many blemishes through out my relatively short stay down here on physical earth. I’ve basically messed up in every conceivable way possible, doing every thing unG-dly there is to do under the sun.

But not to worry its all part of the ultimate plan, it has to be or I would have never agreed to be sent down here in this embarrassing state. But this is just what I wanted, a struggle, a challenge, a fight until the end, so I came up with this most genus plan. I create a world where G-dlyness is not the excepted reality where every thing seams like it takes on its own existence. where every thing at first glance seams plural divided and seperated, and then I send my self down in to the species of that planet, an animal, to work the world and from chaos make unity from friction tranquility, from physical spiritual. The whole thing really happens in a flash of a moment. well six days according to the design which seams like six thousand years to an animal.

But theres one big problem. once I’m down her traped in an animal soul and a body I’ve more or less forgotten about my greatness. causing me to loose focuse and simply just start acting like an animal in my day to day life. so the way I designed it is if I don’t repent before I die I’ll have to go through burning fires until I’m cleansed of my sins. and even before then the way I made the world is things only go my way when I stick to the plan so every time I forget that there’s a job that has to be done, my world begins to cave in and I’m forced to think about life and what is really going on, and I am reminded I sent my self down here to make this lowly world a dwelling place for…well for me. So I divided my self into six hundred souls now all the souls are really one but as they descend through many worlds they become fragmented in to six hundred thousand and then every one of thuoghs into more and every one of thus into even more.

Well the soul that I’m in now is living in the last generation of the flsh of the thought, yup that’s right the whole story is about to be finished down here in this world where the true dwelling place is in its last stages. let me tell you things are really wild, when else would a sinner of Israel have the guts to refer to himself as me. But its all part of the plan.. Its all part of the plan.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Jerusalem & Israel

Jerusalem & Israel
...on the 28th day of the month of Iyar, in the year 5727 (June 7, 1967), on the third day of the Six Day War, the ancient city of Jerusalem -- the walled Old City, the Temple Mount and the Western Wall -- returned to Jewish hands.

We don’t know what the color gold looks like
We don’t know what the melodies sound like
We have never seen You in your glory
We’ve only been told the story

Here’s to all of you who have not yet made it through
Here’s to all of you who do things they don’t really want to do
Here’s to all of you who have never thought about tomorrow
And here to you, the children of tomorrow

Here’s to all of you who walk in the midst of darkness
Here’s to all of you who live a life of pain
Here’s to the light that remains hidden
Here’s to the power trapped deep within

Here’s to the orphan child whose father is still very much alive
Here’s to the bird who cant spread its wings and fly away
Hers to you who cant bring forth tears when they try and cry
And here’s to you the children of tomorow

We don’t know what the color gold looks
We don’t know what the melodies sound like
We have never seen You in your glory
We’ve just been told the story

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Growing up

It’s amazing how we go from playing in the sand box to having to deal with a whirlpool of emotions and decisions. I wouldn’t call it growing up, no only the best of us grow up. The process of growing up would be more accurate. I was no exception to the masses, as no one is. My time came as all the other people’s time came as all the other people’s time will come. I started growing up. You know I didn’t believe I had a heart or any other organ until the staggering age of twenty. I thought that the pictures that I saw of internal organs were one big propaganda campaign to frighten little mischief’s children as my self.

I thought the insides of a body were beautiful smooth velvet just like the human appears on the outside. Latter I was to find out I was half right. It is a propaganda campaign, but its being run by G-d not by man, and its used to sober up lustful men not little children.

Growing up is as tuff as nails to a person with out a brain. With out the power of intuition the sensitivity to notice the clock on the wall ticking is non-existent. To have a child look at the wrinkles developing on his face is nearly as frightening as death itself, to a child that is. Do you know just as we human beings have a responsibility to feed wash and clothe our self’s, we have a responsibility to think deep into the future, death. And not being able to do so has the same catastrophic results on our emotional well being as depriving our self’s of basic nutrition has on our physical well being.

meaningful out look

The secret in life is knowing what you already know. Meaning the information is already there you just have to zoom in on it and contemplate. Like fanning a lug that’s on fire, the fire was hidden within the lug all along.You don’t want your life experience’s to be nothing but a few fleeting sparks, you want your thoughts and emotions to be on fire.

I’ve learnt so much over the past 10 years yet all the information is hidden deep in the reassess of my mind, yet there all the same. Every morning for the past 10 years I have been putting on Teffilin, the story goes that G-d spoke to Mosses and the Jewish people, some thirty three hundred years ago at mount Sinai, and commanded them to “ bind them as a sign upon your hand and as a symbol between your eyes.
Could you imagine if one really felt that in ones heart? Yet I’ve been doing it for 10 years and it still has not struck me how awesome these two small boxes are.

Do you know why we keep the seventh day holy? The reason given in the Torah is “for on that day G-d completed the heavens and earth and all there hosts. Do you get it? Do you know what thus few words are telling us? Its saying that every thing we see in the world, the world included, all the animals and birds in our cities all the trees that line our streets they where once not there and in six short days G-d created them, and on the seventh day He rested, rested from creating the very animals and trees that we see now.

Do you know how awesome that is how awesome are the feelings that one should have! Yet all that we think about is how are we going to pay the bills! so next time Friday night arrives take a moment to meditate on the beautiful work of our creator blessed be His name fore ever.

something positive! (for a change)

Every one has to believe that they matter, that their life is important and meaningful, and there for their life is worth living. People want others to think that there busy, that there involved in some thing big. From the way we dress to the way we walk and talk we most portray that we are where its at. because if others think it then it most be true, but it isn’t true. Yes every thing that exists is meant to be, for the very simple reason that compared to infinity every thing that exists, past, present and future, is all but a small speck of dust, so one most say the chances of something existing are so small compared to oblivion, then what exists is meant to be. all of us who do experience life on that level can’t help but feel a great sense of humility and inner peace, and are quite content with life the way it is, loving every moment and every person, experiencing a great burning love toward all of creation. But most of us think we matter in a very different way. when a business man on his way back from work gases pathetically at a homeless person drooped ever in his filthy corner and thinks “what a looser’’, he is very mistaken. Of course the business man is more fortunate to be where he is, wearing the close, driving the car, eating the food and living in the house that he does. but is the business man closer to the truth then the homeless? The only way to know who is closer to the truth is by looking at ones thoughts speech and action.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


I am so lost, I am so confused, I am unable to find my way in the man made jungles of my mind. It is not a passing mood it is anything but a faze, this is who I am this is the life I live. I can not remember who I am or who I am suppose to be. I have come to terms to live a lifeless life, as days turn to minutes and weeks to days. I try telling my self; this too shall pass, this too is part of the journey of life. yet as my childhood turns to ashes and my body to clay, my hopes to despair, my dreams to nightmares, I can’t help my lungs from breathing in the smoke filled air and feeling content thinking this is just the way things are. I try leaving this place of death behind, only to fall down even further, giving way to the dream that one day I might be free.

There was a time when every day was beautiful every moment of my life was full of meaning and purpose, every day a blessing every person a friendly world, o how I miss thoughts days o how I yearn to be able to go there once again. there was a time I felt truly alive, every day was pleasant my soul beating to the rhythms of life in the world around. I Don’t know what happened but some where along the road of life I fell down a black hole and I have been falling ever since.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

breaking free

I want to break free From all the smoke From all the walls
From all of everything besides freedom
I want to break free from the past into the future
I want to break free into the present past and future
I want to break free to understand the black
To walk amidst the weight to make meaning out of good and evil
I want to break free From all of life’s pressures and pains
From all of life’s insecurities disappointments and madness
I want to break free From all of my doubts chains and insains
From insensitivities blindness and hate From destructiveness meaninglessness and wastefulness
I want to break free From being consistently inconsistent
From not believing in belief From not believing in me and my G-d.
I want to break free From you and me from us and the world around
From old and young from father and son from then and now from time and space
I want to break free from inside my scull ,From the black iris of my eyes
from my lowliness From my drunkenness from my lustfulness from my deathliness
I want to break free I want to break free I want to break free I want to break free

Hashem is far away

Life is good life is great hooray! hooray!
I am alive life is beautiful, but G-d is far away.
And the sun rises and the sun sets taking with it all that it could but not all that I could , no not nearly

O what to do where to go who to be who to see, to see with in me
People there all good even you even me
where all babies in diapers looking for a hug looking for a love, and G-d is far far way

If I am a soul I am a f***ed if I am a body I am a shmuck
I can not think, speak or do as I please
for I am but a lost child in a very old maze
an actor in a forgotten play
I am but a blind man in a very black world
a deaf man in a very silent world
And G-d o He, He’s very far, far far way

Its not easy, its not easy being, its not easy being born
even if you don’t care you know you always do
Its not easy living a lifeless life
Why the f*** cant every thing be nice and good
Why the f*** cant me and you have peace and ever lasting love with out worrying that we might be eating bread from a table of shame

shame on you shame on me shame on the world for having in it such a thing as shame and all that comes with it and all that we don’t have because of it
shame on you, shame on me. why cant we all be love, f***, and G-d o He, is so deep and far far far away